Fewer topics cause married couples to blush and respond with embarrassment more than sex. In fact, it seems the only people who are comfortable talking about sex are young teenagers, and it isn’t even intended for them! Sex and intimacy in marriage, both beautiful gifts from God, shouldn’t be such a taboo topic. This is especially so because it plays such a critical role in marriage, an institution that is arguably under attack.
God created sex and if He’s not afraid to talk about it, then why should we? In fact, it’s such an important topic to Him that out of 66 books in the Bible, He devoted the entire book Song of Solomon to it! The longtime Dallas Theological Seminary professor and highly sought-after speaker, Dr. Howard Hendricks, summed it up in a compelling statement about sex, “We should not be ashamed to discuss that which God was not ashamed to create.”
But God didn’t just create sex for us to talk about it. The Bible encourages married couples to enjoy each other’s bodies (Proverbs 5:16-19; 1 Corinthians 7:3-5). God designed sex for our MUTUAL enjoyment, and even took the extra step to create special hormones that are released during moments of intimacy with our spouse that greatly enhance the experience while increasing our feelings of love and attachment to each other.
So, let go of the idea that sex is a secret act that’s intended only for procreation or meeting the physical needs of husbands. Sex can and should be enjoyed by both husband and wife, and it can be as pleasurable as you both can handle. To help get you started, here are 11 ideas you can use right away to heat up your marital sex life.
1. Download a love-making playlist and turn it on early to set the mood. My husband prefers “slow jams” but whatever you and your spouse are into will work perfectly.
2. Be like Magellan and EXPLORE. Our bodies have many highly sensitive areas that will respond favorably to touch, whether by hand or mouth. One of the best ways to begin your exploration is by offering to apply lotion on your spouse’s entire body. This is a very intimate gesture so take your time and pay attention to the subtle responses (voluntary and involuntary) you’ll receive from your spouse as you approach or concentrate on certain parts. You’ll both be pleasantly surprised by what you’ll discover.
3. Ladies, wear a skirt or a dress on your next date night. An opportunity for some love making or intimate activities may present itself and you’ll want to make sure you’re easily accessible. 😊
4. Experiment with new sexual positions. If you have limited yourselves to the missionary position and nothing more, then you are missing out! Friends, I highly encourage you to try other positions and see which ones result in maximum pleasure for BOTH of you.
5. During foreplay, focus on pleasuring the partner who usually takes longer to orgasm. For many couples that’s often the wife so, husbands, plan to spend a generous amount of time exploring (see #2) and stimulating the sensitive areas of your wife’s body. If you don’t know where those places are, ask her (trust me, she knows). Or ask her to give you feedback as you search for those areas on your own. One word of caution, be especially careful to not make your wife feel like she’s taking too long or that you’re getting tired. By doing so can cause a mental block that may delay or prohibit her from climaxing. Instead, enjoy the process and the satisfaction of knowing you’re causing the feelings of uncontrolled ecstasy your wife is experiencing. 😊 If your situation is reversed and the husband usually takes longer to orgasm, focus your foreplay activities on things that are either for mutual pleasure or are specifically geared towards his enjoyment.
6. Shower together. While you’re in there, use your hands to lather soap on each other.
7. Make time for a quickie during the day. Can you squeeze it in before everyone wakes up or after the kids leave for school? Do you have time to run home during lunch? Quickies don’t require a lot of thought or preparation, and the goal isn’t about both of you climaxing. But the rush that you get knowing you’re being “naughty” together, is totally worth it.
8. Sneak “inappropriate” passes at each other. This playful activity can be a flirtatious way to get yourselves in the right frame of mind for later that evening. Since foreplay starts outside the bedroom for most women, this can really help get your wife in the mood.
9. French kiss, make out, kiss with tongue, slow kiss. Any way you call it, couples who have been married for awhile don’t do this often enough anymore, or at least not as much as they used to when they were simply dating. French kissing can actually be more sensual than sex because it is so intimate. Research shows that this type of kissing is highly pleasurable because it stimulates the lips, tongue, and mouth, also known as the oral zone. This area is one of the principal erogenous zones of the body, and the tongue is thought to be more erogenous than the lips.
10. Go to bed naked.
11. Role play. Have you ever wanted to pretend to get picked up at a bar by a stranger or maybe play the part of a secret agent on a dangerous mission? Playing out your fantasies with your spouse can be exciting as long as you adhere to the following: it’s only between you and your spouse and you’re both into it, it does not violate the marriage covenant, the fantasy in your mind is of your spouse and not another person, it’s safe, it does not lead to sin, and is legal.