or When it comes to love, do you ever feel like you and your spouse are speaking completely different languages? One of you gives thoughtful gifts, while the other craves uninterrupted quality time. Or maybe you’re pouring your heart out with kind words, but they just want you to help fold the laundry.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Miscommunication is common in relationships—but there’s good news. Dr. Gary Chapman’s concept of the Five Love Languages can transform the way you connect with your spouse.
On this week’s episode of A Purpose Driven Marriage Podcast, we’re diving deep into:
👉 The Five Love Languages
👉 How to figure out what your spouse really needs
👉 Tips for speaking their love language effectively (even when it feels awkward!)
👉 Why understanding love languages is a game-changer for communication and conflict resolution
🎧 Click here to listen to the full episode now
What Are the Five Love Languages?
Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the bestselling book The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, discovered through decades of counseling that people express and receive love in five primary ways:
- Words of Affirmation – Compliments, encouragement, and kind words that uplift your spouse.
- Acts of Service – Actions like doing the dishes, running errands, or handling a task that lightens their load.
- Receiving Gifts – Thoughtful, meaningful gifts that show you’re thinking of them (it’s about the thought, not the price tag).
- Quality Time – Giving undivided attention through meaningful conversation or shared activities.
- Physical Touch – Hugs, kisses, hand-holding, or gentle gestures that create physical connection.
Everyone has a primary love language—the way they feel most loved—and a secondary or tertiary one. Most people naturally express love in the way they want to receive it, rather than how their spouse does.
Why Love Languages Matter in Marriage
Understanding and responding to your spouse’s love language can:
- Reduce conflict: When your spouse feels seen and valued, tensions naturally decrease.
- Deepen emotional intimacy: Speaking their love language fosters connection and trust.
- Enhance communication: It’s easier to navigate challenges when both partners feel loved.
For example, in the episode, we share the story of a husband who kept buying his wife expensive gifts—only to feel frustrated that she wasn’t as appreciative as he expected. Turns out, her primary love language was Acts of Service, and what she really needed was help with the kids and housework. Once he made this adjustment, their connection completely shifted.
How to Discover Your Spouse’s Love Language
Ready to crack the code? Here are three ways to figure out what makes your spouse feel most loved:
- Observe Their Actions: People often express love the way they want to receive it. If your spouse frequently compliments you or seeks physical affection, this might be their love language.
- Pay Attention to Complaints: What do they ask for most often? “You never spend time with me” could mean Quality Time is their top language, while “You never help me” might point to Acts of Service.
- Take the Quiz: The official Love Language Quiz is a quick, fun way to pinpoint your and your spouse’s love languages.
How to Speak Your Spouse’s Love Language
Speaking your spouse’s love language may feel awkward at first—especially if it’s different from your own—but it gets easier with practice. Here are some practical tips for each love language:
- Words of Affirmation: Leave a sweet note, send an encouraging text, or tell them you’re proud of their hard work.
- Acts of Service: Take over a chore they dislike, cook dinner, or surprise them by running an errand they’ve been putting off.
- Receiving Gifts: Thoughtful gifts matter more than expensive ones. Pick something meaningful that shows you’re paying attention.
- Quality Time: Schedule a date night, take a walk together, or simply put your phone down during a conversation.
- Physical Touch: Hold their hand, give them a hug after a long day, or offer a back rub just because.
The key is intention. Even small gestures can have a big impact when they align with your spouse’s primary love language.
Challenge of the Week
We’re challenging you to take 10 minutes this week to talk with your spouse about love languages. Don’t know yours yet? Take the quiz together! Once you’ve identified your love languages, commit to showing love in the way your spouse needs most—and watch your connection grow.
🎧 Click here to listen to the full episode and start your love language journey today!
What’s Your Love Language?
We’d love to hear from you! Drop a comment below or share your experience with us on Instagram at @APurposeDrivenMarriage. Let us know how understanding love languages has strengthened your relationship.
💌 Don’t forget to subscribe to A Purpose Driven Marriage Podcast wherever you listen to podcasts and share this episode with someone who could use a little love language inspiration.
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