Did you know that your conflict style or how you resolve conflict can predict whether or not you’ll have a successful relationship? 

That’s right. Your conflict style makes a difference.

According to Dr. John Gottman of the Gottman Institute, the single greatest predictor for a successful marriage is repairing skills. Repairing skills refers to a couple’s ability to resolve conflict.

So, how do you resolve conflicts?

Well one way to begin is by being familiar with your relationship conflict style. This refers to the way you respond when you face disagreements or conflict with someone else.

The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) outlines five different conflict resolution styles:

• competing
• collaborating
• compromising
• avoiding
• accommodating

Each of these styles has its own strengths and weaknesses, and no one style is better than the others. The key is to recognize your own style and the styles of those around you, and to use the appropriate style for the situation at hand.

In episodes 18 and 19 of A Purpose Driven Marriage Podcast, Duane and I explore each of the conflict styles in detail.

We cover the benefits and potential challenges of each one, and give examples of the right ways to use the conflict styles to benefit the relationship and even deepen intimacy.

Remember, the goal is not to avoid conflict but to approach it in a healthy and constructive way.  Understanding your conflict resolution style and working to improve your repairing skills can go a long way in creating a healthy, successful relationship.